Spontaneity

Humans only have this burden of owning up what they think and talk. This is such a big burden. Imagine you have to regulate all the time what comes out of your mind.

There is an expectation on everyone of us as to what we can utter. You may think entirely the opposite of what you talk. But as long as they hear the right thing, it works out fine.

On the positive side, this makes the world a lot less hostile. I may have a nasty opinion, but civility keeps me from mouthing it. This not only lowers the pollution of the public discourse, but also gives me the time to examine my choices.

On the negative side, this makes everyone a liar of sorts. No one can be spontaneous. Everything is measured, what-if analyzed before they speak something.

Spontaneity is a great quality not just from the view point that the answer will be truthful. But it works great for an individual as they don’t have the burden of premeditation.

You can be spontaneous only if something has deeply affected you in some way. In that case, what comes out of you is the truth. Spontaneity brings out the real self that is not decorated.

Kids are spontaneous. They have nothing to worry about when they speak. Some great leaders I have seen are quite spontaneous. They are not worried to speak their mind. That is why leaders who adorn public offices are often grilled, ridiculed, mocked. It is a society’s way of making them come out clean without hiding behind words and appearance.

Between close friends, or relationships, if the spontaneity is lost, the relationship will suffer. True relationship needs spontaneity at the cost of fake courtesies or premeditated behavior.

Spontaneity happens only when there is tolerance and patience. If you are nitpicking on every word or thought without trying to understand the intention of the person, you are not bothered about truth.

Listening is a great quality that shows the other person that you are patient and signals them to be spontaneous. A narcissistic person makes the most damage. They can only speak with them as the focal point. They are impatient to hear others speak. This ends up creating a toxic environment with everyone becoming calculative and measured and loud. Even if you try to be spontaneous with such people, they will brand you narcissistic. It becomes hard once you are drawn into the delusionary world of a narcissist.

Thus all great qualities you develop breaks down somewhere. You may be a great listener. But what if the other person doesn’t want to listen to you ? You end up making more noise than you want. You lose your self.

When I think through this, I feel there is no magical armor to be a person of great qualities. No matter how refined you are, once you move around in the society, you will end up creating your manufactured self.

The only choice you have is finding ways to remain more of your ‘self’ and less of a fake self.